L.O.E.F.
THE GAP WIDENS
FRASER, CO — One week ago, Kathy posted the only perfect lineup in the league and looked like the team to beat. Week 2 had other plans. She put up her worst score of the season, fell to 1-1, and watched the league's actual runaway train pull further away without her.
That train is Sean. Team dweezerstein is 2-0, sitting on 306.18 points through two weeks, comfortably the best mark in the league, and Week 2 wasn't particularly close. Josh Allen alone put up 40.82, the top individual performance of the week, and the Vikings defense chipped in 18 more. Whatever the plan was on draft night, it's working.
Peter had a coming-out week of his own. Juan Wynn posted the highest score in the league, 169.10, a perfect lineup, and a blowout win over Liam by nearly 40. He's now second in total points behind only Sean, and the only manager in the league to run a 100% efficient lineup this week.
Liam's week went differently. Zero wins through two games, the fewest points allowed cushion in the league, and, as of sometime in the last seven days, a new team name. The Mighty Mighty Boh-zos are no more. Please welcome KickMeintheMcDicker to the standings. Nobody asked what prompted it. Everybody has a guess.
Brian took Morgan down to the wire, 126.88 to 123.48, the tightest finish of the week, while Cory quietly climbed out of the Week 1 basement with a win over Mark, even without leading the league in much of anything.
Eight teams, two weeks in, and the standings are already sorting themselves into a shape: one team pulling away, one team just arriving, and six more figuring out which of those directions they're headed.
- Brian's win over Morgan came down to 3.4 points, the only game this week decided by single digits.
- Peter's bench sat on Travis Kelce for 27.8 points worth of Isaiah Likely trade regret, only to watch his active lineup post a perfect week anyway. Some weeks even the mistakes work out.
- Cory's win was the lowest-scoring victory of the week. 106.16 points was enough to beat Mark, and barely anything else.
Person of the Week: Liam Can't Stop Touching His... Roster
Sources close to the league confirm what everyone already suspected. Sometime in the last week, Liam renamed his team, and something in him has not been the same since. Quarterback out. Tight end out. Kicker out. Then back in, in some order nobody can fully reconstruct. Multiple moves were made within hours of each other. A source close to the situation, who is also Liam, could not be reached, because he was reportedly on the waiver wire at the time.
League insiders describe the behavior as "compulsive." Others have called it "Tuesday." Whatever it is, it isn't slowing down, and this newsletter will be watching.
This has been an L.O.E.F. Exclusive- Liam's week in moves: Jordan Love out for Jared Goff, Mark Andrews out for Travis Kelce, and a kicker swap for good measure. Three positions touched in under a day.
- Kathy swapped Jonah Coleman for the Buccaneers defense a little over a week ago, then reversed it this week, bringing Coleman back and letting the defense go again.
- Peter re-added Patrick Mahomes and dropped Jaxson Dart, undoing the exact move that got him mentioned in Issue 01. What's old is new again.
- The TreVeyon Henderson Peter picked up this week is the same TreVeyon Henderson Cory dropped about a week earlier. Just how the wire works sometimes.
- Mark added Matthew Stafford a few days after Liam moved on from him.
- Brian quietly added Mike Evans and left it there. Not every move needs a subplot.
Message from the Commish
It has come to my attention that some of you have been touching things without permission. Lineups. Rosters. Kickers. Tight ends. Entire team names. Apparently two weeks of unsupervised fantasy football was too much freedom.
So effective immediately, the Commissioner's Office will be taking a firmer hand.
Liam, you have made enough roster moves for one week. Put it down.
Kathy, last week you were perfect. This week you were not. We will discuss your regression privately.
Peter, you left 27.8 points of Travis Kelce on the bench and still posted the highest score in the league. Normally there would be consequences for that kind of behavior. Unfortunately, winning has complicated the disciplinary process.
The rest of you should consider yourselves on notice.
There are rules here. Are they written down? Technically. Has anyone read them? Absolutely not. But I assure you they become much easier to understand once they're being enforced.
Behave yourselves in Week 3. Or don't. I have the clipboard either way.
— B. Kightlinger, Commissioner's Office
Stars of the Week
(Team dweezerstein)
(Diddys PR Team)
(KickMeintheMcDicker)
(Enter My Tight End Zone)
(Juan Wynn)
(Team dweezerstein)
COMMITGPT POWER RANKINGS™
- Team dweezerstein (+1) – 2-0, best PF in the league, not slowing down.
- Juan Wynn (+6) – Perfect lineup, league-high week, arrived in a hurry.
- Team LastPlacePony (+3) – 1-1, and it took a photo finish to get there.
- Enter My Tight End Zone (–1) – Worst week of the season, record still holding at 1-1.
- It Hurts When I PPR (–4) – From the only perfect lineup in the league to the worst score in one week flat.
- Olave You Long Time (0) – Won by 3.4. Living dangerously, still 1-1.
- Diddys PR Team (+1) – Escaped the Week 1 basement, barely, and by the smallest possible margin.
- KickMeintheMcDicker (–1) – 0-2, new name, same result.
A WORD FROM THE BENCH PROPHET 🔮
"Someone among you is about to be right for the wrong reasons," he says, squinting at a stat sheet he may or may not be holding upside down. "I keep seeing a name. It might be new. It might be old. It's a name, is what I'm confident about." He trails off. "There's a number nine somewhere in your week. Don't ask me which nine. I just see it."