L.O.E.F.

ALBUQUERQUE, NM. The Commish is reporting from the Balloon Fiesta, where thousands of people successfully got something off the ground. Morgan could not get nine working starters into a lineup.

Week 4 delivered margins of 0.20, 3.94, 9.96 and 18.20, and every losing team had a winning lineup available. Nobody needed a miracle. Several people needed to scroll down.

Sean escaped karatemark, 127.92–123.98, and remains the league's only undefeated team at 4-0. Mark's 123.98 was the fourth-highest score of the week and left him 1-3.

Brian beat Peter, 154.94–144.98, with the week's highest score and a 98.0% efficient lineup. The win had a garbage-time assist: a fourth-down Shough-to-Olave conversion with the Saints already losing, on a drive that ended in a touchdown that changed nothing about the 45–24 final. The Saints lost. Brian won. Finally, a useful Saints game. Peter's 144.98 was the highest score by any team that lost.

Kathy beat Morgan, 118.32–118.12, the lowest winning score of the week. In the league chat, the Commish summed it up accurately: “Kathy just dodging bullets.” Liam took the week's biggest blowout, 121.28–103.08 over Cory, with Drake Maye (27.16) and Tetairoa McMillan (45.20) both scoring on his bench.

Morgan started Travis Etienne, an injured-reserve running back, for 0.00, and left 37.20 on the bench. We checked those numbers twice because the first time felt insulting.

• Kathy's 0.20 win was the narrowest margin of the week. The next closest was Sean over Mark at 3.94.
• The four losing teams left a combined 135.94 points on their benches: Cory 47.04, Morgan 37.20, Mark 27.60 and Peter 24.10. Every one of them would have won with a better lineup.

• Liam made four free agent moves in one sitting: a new tight end, a new receiver, a new defense and a new kicker.
• Kathy won by 0.20 and then swapped her starting quarterback and kicker, Sam Darnold for Kirk Cousins and Tyler Loop for Spencer Shrader.
• Peter claimed Tyreek Hill off waivers. Sleeper currently lists Hill with no team.
• Liam, after “careful evaluation,” is making concessions on Drake Maye and taking offers for a toaster oven, which he noted doesn't throw picks. Mark replied that his toaster oven “is useful.”

Message from the Commish

Greetings from the Balloon Fiesta,

Before a balloon takes off, the pilot checks the equipment, the weather, and whether there is a fucking hole in anything.

An approach worth considering.

Morgan, we spent last week explaining that an OUT player cannot score points. This week, once again, you did not swap anyone out. The first rule of altitude is to drop the ballast. You kept Travis Etienne in the basket and stayed within two tenths of the ground.

Before kickoff today, please run the pre-flight in order: check the weather, inspect the envelope for holes, confirm every starter is cleared to fly, and only then fire the burner.

Sean remains at cruising altitude. Everyone else is either chasing him in the pickup truck or arguing with the basket.

As for my garbage-time win: favorable winds. Experienced pilot. No further questions.

Pilot B. Kightlinger
Please Keep All Starters Inside the Lineup

Mike Ditka, Hall of Fame tight end and head coach of the 1985 Chicago Bears, died at 86. He played the position and then coached the team that won Super Bowl XX. The league sends its condolences to his family and to Bears fans everywhere. Rest easy, Coach.